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One morning Gregor Samsa woke up and
smelled shit. Apparently, his neighbor had run out of coffee the day
before and substituted his own shit for coffee beans. The smell of shit
was pervasive and would not go away. Gregor Samsa opened all the windows
in his tiny apartment on B Street in New York's Lower East Side. The
smell of shit just would not go away. After eating bacon and eggs,
Gregor Samsa's stomach rumbled. He went to the toilet to take a shit. He
lowered a big brown sausage into the toilet bowl. Now the smell of his
neighbor's shit mingled with the smell of his own shit. The union was
pure perfection!
The dog stopped in front of a bone in the desert. It glowed like a
baboon's ass in Las Vegas at midnight. The bone glowed red. The dog
tried to put the bone in its mouth, but the bone resisted and said,
"You must not put me into your filthy mouth, you vile and furry
creature! I am the lord of this desert, and a wizard from the Loompa
tribe has turned me into a bone. I will revert back to my original self
the next time a naked child touches my smooth surface." The dog
barked three times and put the bone in its mouth, chewing on it
heartily.
The house was deserted when the SWAT team entered. The drug dealer had
escaped through the back door. There was no cocaine on the table in the
living room, only sheep's vomit. It was a clear indication that the
shepherd had been there! The SWAT team looked around but could find no
trace of the shepherd. Only used condoms and a wool sweater scattered on
the bedroom floor, the ruffled sheets giving off the scent of anal
action. Clearly the shepherd had made love to the drug dealer before
trying to trade wool products for powder products.
The little boy woke up alone in the basement, covered in sweat and huge
drops of sperm. Godzilla must have come all over him in his sleep! But
how did he end up in the basement? Did the man in the white vest carry
him down? He simply could not remember. There were candy wrappers all
over the place. It must have been a veritable orgy of sugar and shivers!
Did his mother not hear him cry?
It is distasteful a world black and white. Heroes and villains steal and
loot. Sad sacrifice of historical events.
Protection they want to see is brown.
I walk in circles. Circles walk inside me.
I went swimming off the coast of northern California. I was not far away
from the beach when I saw a fin approach. The moon was low, and the
stars were bright. An oil tanker in the distance, hailing from the
Ukraine, was leaking quietly into the sea. The fin was coming closer. I
swam back towards the beach. The rollercoaster on the boardwalk was
floodlit, and I could hear people screaming in the loop.
- Constantin von Hoffmeister
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